Let's Get Physical!

In my quest to drop a few lbs and get healthier, I have been going to the gym 3-4 times a week and eating healthier. Apparently the experts are right and it actually works! I am usually on the treadmill, rocking out on my ipod which gives me time to observe the other people who come in there. It seems that it is pretty much the same group of people everyday who have their own quirks and strange habits. Witness...

The Comrades - There are three middle-aged Eastern Europeans who come in the evenings. You can tell them not by the fact that they don't speak any English but by their dress. The first is a grey-haired man who tucks his t-shirt into his sweat pants and accessorizes with a large gold medallion that I am pretty sure Captain Jack is looking for to return to the mystical Incan chest. The other man wears shorts that would not need to be removed for a proctology exam (when he is not is his Speedos strutting out to the pool). Then there is the woman who was on the treadmill last night in a long sleeved shirt, a sweater over her shoulders, long pants, and high heels. If I ever had doubts about the evil of communism before, they are put to rest now.

The "Best of Intentions" Gang - Every once in awhile a guy will come in -and I do mean guy - who is wearing a sleeveless shirt, has a couple of tats, and is wearing a hat on backwards. He will have a jug of water and sweatbands on his forearms and will check himself out in the mirror for a few minutes before selecting the first machine that will have the honor of toning his muscles. He sits down, tests the weight, and then does two reps. I don't mean two sets, I mean reps. Then he will stop and just stare at his feet for about ten minutes before getting up, going to another machine and starting the process over again. He will do this three times, take a big drink as if he has done something, and leave having never broken a sweat. Here's my thought, if you aren't going to exercise why pretend that you are? Don't tease your basketball shorts and cutoff t-shirt that you got from your fraternity pool party into thinking you will actually allow them to fulfill their destiny. That ain't cool.

Her - When I go to the gym in the morning there is this really nice girl who usually is there as well. She is cute and fit, she always says hello and complimented me on my hair when I got it cut. I hate her. Let me explain why. We are always on the treadmills next to each other. If you were to look at the two of us together you would see that there is a huge contrast. As I said, she is cute and fit whereas I look like a sweaty sun burnt puffer fish. In the midst of her running she has the AUDACITY to answer phone calls and hold ten minute long conversations without slowing her pace at all. This is where I generally envision the scene from "Independence Day" where the alien holds the guy from Star Trek up to the window and says "DIE!!!". I sincerely hope that envy has no caloric value.